-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- There was a pretty epic party on Wednesday night . You probably were n't there .

But do n't take it personally . We ca n't all be awesome . Naturally , of course , I was present , showing up casually late because it 's what awesome people do at epic parties . That , and defile the mashed potatoes .

Granted , this particular epic party was held on Twitter . And it was hosted by CVS . And , technically , everybody was invited .

Thus , I 'm suddenly now beginning to question my awesomeness .

Me : `` Am I awesome ? ''

Me : `` Not really . ''

Me : `` I appreciate your honesty . ''

Me : `` Whatever , nerd . ''

OK , so maybe it 's not Ibiza , but there was a popular online party hosted by the CVS Beauty Club to promote the pharmacy 's cosmetic offerings via social media . And for a good hour or so during the big digital soiree , the hashtag was a leading trend .

Hurrah ! Victory for the marketing department ! Treat yourself to some hooker makeup .

-LRB- Seriously . That section exists , right ? -RRB-

Not surprisingly , however , a random dude eventually entered the conversation and was instantly confused .

@TheClassyMan wrote : `` This is a joke right ? ''

Not a joke . CVS really managed to get people talking about and participating in their virtual Twitter party , which is pretty amazing . But how exactly does something like this work ?

Basically , I guess a Twitter party is just like any other party . People talk . Strangers mingle . Except there 's no guacamole , and if you happen to do a keg stand , it 's not because everybody else was doing one . It 's because you 're a degenerate alcoholic .

`` Wooooo ! Thirty seconds ! I rule ! And now I have to fold the laundry ... and do other stuff because I 'm home alone with my computer ... drinking ... from a keg . Woooooo . ''

Personally speaking , the most appealing aspect of a digital Twitter party is that I only have 140 characters to completely embarrass myself . Which , I suppose , is quite more than enough .

`` Hi . I 'm Jarrett . I use Beano . ''

See ? Minimal damage .

But let 's get back to this beauty club .

Essentially , anyone can join for free to get periodic discounts and rewards on various CVS cosmetics . The online information was n't exactly clear , though , as to whether Beano qualifies . Its inclusion , however , more or less determines my interest in signing up .

Maybe .

I 'm all about discounts and Twitter parties and Beano and maybe even a touch of mascara when I 'm feeling pretty , but I 'm not exactly sure this is qualifies as a `` club . '' Clubs have to have standards , and I simply ca n't appreciate any exclusive organization that does n't charge excessive dues and/or base one 's membership on blatant superficiality .

That 's why back in the day I joined a fraternity . Best friends money could buy !

Look , I know I did n't offer the American University chapter of Delta Chi anything in terms of social status , and I 'm pretty sure I lowered their overall combined GPA by at least a full point , but I was more than willing to pay the yearly fees . And as a bonus , I could pretty easily be talked into running around the party wearing nothing but a strategically placed sock .

-LRB- Had there been cell phone cameras in the late 90s , I 'd currently be living in Mongolia . -RRB-

At the CVS Beauty Club , there are no initiation fees . No dues . And technically , I suppose , even Nick Nolte could join . It 's that easy .

But for those of us who do n't use cosmetics or , at the very least , are n't planning on going to the Gathering of the Juggalos , there 's probably no real need to apply . We 're fine the way we are . Perfect fives .

Unless , of course , you really just want to experiment with ointments and colors and masks . In which case , by all means join the CVS Beauty Club and start saving . Hell , go nuts !

Treat yourself to some hooker makeup .

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In `` Apparently This Matters , '' Jarrett Bellini tackles trending social-media topics

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This week , he crashes the CVS Beauty Club 's Twitter party

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Yes , that was really a thing

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You can join even if you 're not a Juggalo -- or a hooker